Watcher (spoken): Here on the Hellmouth, we have traditions for everything: how to eat, how to sleep, even how to wear clothes. For instance, Buffy's skirt is never more than six inches long. This is to keep the viewers' attention. You may ask, how did this tradition get started? I will tell you...
I don't know. Let me check my books and I will get back to you. But it's a tradition.
[Full cast starts dancing in from stage left, hand in hand.]
And because of our traditions, everybody knows who he is and what the script expects him to do.
Watcher (sung): Who day and night must
educate the Slayer,
delegate the Scoobies,
make up alibis,
And who is the one, no matter how he tries,
to always be the first knocked out?
All: The Watcher! The Watcher! Tradition!
Scoobies: Who is always ready with a clever pun,
Some witty fun,
And then we run!
Who must draw the fire while the job gets done,
So the Watcher's free to read his musty books?
All: The Scoobies! The Scoobies! Tradition!
Loner: My tortured past I'll never tell.
I do not own a phone.
The Slayers always look so young.
This new one's pretty.
All: The Loner! The Loner! Tradition!
Slayer: And who must know the ways
To maim and slay and rend
To kill what I can manage
Before my short life ends?
All: The Slayer! The Slayer! Tradition!
[All repeat as round.]
[EDIT: To the best of my knowledge and recollection, this is the first publication of this song on the net. It's mine, I wrote it (with apologies to Fiddler on the Roof). Please attribute correctly as necessary.]